Dark wood floors, off-white walls, bamboo trees and potted plants, lemongrass air diffuser, water cooler with cone paper cups, soft ambient background music: oasis of the acupuncture office in the middle of Manhattan. Filled out patient intake form: contact info, medical history and symptoms. The acupuncturist wore a white jacket and greeted me with a handshake, earnest eye contact, calm countenance, then led me to a room that had an examination table with a face cradle and two large picture charts of a naked man on the wall, one of his front and one of his back, with denoted pressure points connected by lines like a subway map of the body. I sat on the table, cricklecrackle, and he sat down next to me with a clipboard, reviewing the paperwork I had just filled out.

“I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling with ulcerative colitis. When were you diagnosed?”

“A couple years ago, when I was in high school.”

“And now the symptoms are getting worse? 12 to 15 times a day is a lot, must make it impossible to live a normal life.”

“Yeah, I was in remission for a while, I’m on an immunosuppressant called Humira that was working, but it kind of lost its effectiveness over last winter and spring. Then the doctor gave me a regimen of prednisone which got me healthy enough to go back for the beginning of sophomore year, but after I finished the regimen, my symptoms got worse and I had to drop out of school.” 

“I see, well we definitely don’t want to rely on steroids to stay healthy, I know that happens sometimes with Inflammatory Bowel Disease. You’re still on Humira even though it’s not working?”

“Yeah. My doctor wants to double the dose to see if that works, but the insurance company doesn’t want to cover it, so he just submitted an appeal.”

“Insurance is a whole different kind of headache.” no coverage for alternatives like acupuncture, either.

“Yeah, mom deals with them for me, it’s through her work.”

“So the inflammation in your stomach is located in your large intestine, is that right?”

“Yep, thankfully my small intestine hasn’t been affected so far.”  

“Are you in any pain right now?” 

“No, I feel pretty normal when I’m not digesting anything. I ate a light breakfast so that I could get on the subway and sit still here for a while without worrying.”

“Will you have urgency when you have to go?” 

“Definitely if it’s a lot of food, but if it’s small, then I can hold it for a little bit.”

“Okay, well I’ll be sure to check in on you frequently while the needles are in, but if you need to go just yell and I’ll come take the needles out. So you’re pretty conscious about your diet?”

“Yeah, I’m keeping a food journal and corresponding with a nutritionist, but if I’m gonna leave the house for an extended period, my main strategy is not to eat.” 

“What kind of foods bother you?”

“I’m still figuring it out, I’ve been cutting out dairy this week, I’ll see if that helps.Also have been staying away from raw fruits and veggies, my mom got a juicer so I can still get the vitamins without the fiber roughage.”

“That’s good, trying to minimize the stress on your stomach. So now you’re back home after going away to start college, that’s got to be frustrating huh?”

“Yeah, I keep in touch with my roommate from last year who keeps me updated, but I wasn’t able to enjoy school ’cause I was mostly stuck inside near the bathroom, and I wasn’t going to do well in my classes.”

“It’s good that you were able to read the tea leaves.”

 “Yeah, I didn’t have much choice. Feel better now that I’m at home with my family, more comfortable and don’t have to worry about school work, but, yeah, I feel like I’m missing out sometimes.” 

“What are you studying?”

“I’m still an underclassman, so I’m undeclared, but probably English or history.” 

“I see. As a humanities student, have you done any writing about your illness?”

“I don’t think anyone wants to read about someone being sick, most of the time when I tell people about it, they feel uncomfortable, and then I feel like it’s a faux pas for me to bring it up, like telling people about your dreams.” 

“I see, well some people, like myself, are very interested in patient experiences. I would love to read any piece that you’re able to write about it. But even if you’re just writing for yourself, I think that could help you process your feelings, especially if you don’t feel like you can talk to people about it.”

“Yeah, but it also makes me queasy to think too hard about my illness, I’d rather escape by watching a movie or reading about something else.” 

“What do you like to read?”

Questions like a therapist.   

“Anything with a good story where I feel like I’m in someone else’s shoes, though it’s been hard to concentrate when I’m tired or my stomach is hurting.”

“So what do you do instead?”

“Watch sports or movies, or play video games. Actually, I’ve been getting back into chess recently.”

“Ah, the battle of white versus black, that takes a lot of concentration, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, but the competitive aspect gets my adrenaline going. I used to play a lot of soccer but I can’t do that anymore.”

“I see. Exercise is one of the best things for healing. Is there any exercise that you can do?”

 “Actually, I have a ping pong table in my basement, I’m still pretty good at that.” 

“That’s good, anything noncompetitive?”

“Sometimes I juggle the soccer ball, or shoot hoops, there’s a schoolyard across the street from my house, so I go out there sometimes if I have the energy. I have friends that play with me, we toss the football or the baseball, or whatever.” 

“That’s good, it’s important to keep in touch with your body in that way, you know?”

“Yeah, my best measurement for my health is my capacity for playing soccer since it tests my cardio like nothing else.” 

“Well hopefully with a little work and patience, we can get you healthy and playing soccer and back to school.”   

“That would be great, do you think you can help with ulcerative colitis?”

“Yes, I think so, the way we work is different than allopathic doctors though, so let me explain our approach like this: the majority of your body is water, right? So imagine that your body is like an ecosystem that uses a river as its vital life source, if it is flowing smoothly, then nutrients are spread and life prospers, but if a large rock comes loose from the riverbed, or rolls down a hill into the river and gets stuck then the flow gets obstructed, and then the water is flooding on to the riverbank, corroding the sides and making a bog, and now the parts of the ecosystem further downstream that relied on the river as their water source aren’t getting fed, and are drying out. In your case, your intestines are trying to flow naturally, but inflammation obstructs its healthy flow.” Swollen boulder. “So allopathic medicine will do the job by using tools like a crane to lift the rock out, or a jackhammer to smash it to pieces, both of which leave their trace on the local environment. Eastern medicine tries to help the river flow around the rock, slowly at first, but eventually the rock will begin to corrode due to the water’s flow, and then the water will gain momentum and rush around the rock until it becomes a pebble and it gets carried away with the current.”

“Like a kidney stone?”

“Haha, that would be a more straightforward metaphor. I treat patients with those as well, best way to prevent those is to drink a lot of water. Actually, if you look up here on the chart, this is the kidney meridian that starts next to your sternum and then runs down through the middle of your stomach and onto your inner leg. And this meridian, that starts up at your nose and runs down along your arm into your hand is for the large intestine. In acupuncture, we try to open up the blockage points that are preventing your qi from flowing along these meridians. Qi, you may have heard of, doesn’t directly translate in English or western concepts of anatomy, but you can think of it as life energy. And remember, there are no side effects, risks, or downsides.”

Except for the bill, don’t want to pay for placebo. 

“That sounds good, you know, my doctor said that anxiety and stress can cause my condition to flare, so anything that can help me find a balance should help.”

“Right, have you heard of Taoism?”

“Yea, I found the Tao of Pooh on a friend’s bookshelf at school and read some of it.”

“Aha, that’s a good one. So, Taoism is the philosophical basis for acupuncture. Maybe you remember that Pooh is the embodiment of wu wei, which means inaction. The easiest way forward is the best way forward, like how water flows downstream.”

Adrift on a rift, merrily merrily. 

“Sounds like a good strategy for avoiding stress.” 

“That’s the idea. Of course, I’m not suggesting that you don’t need your gastroenterologist or your PCP. Acupuncture just brings another healing element into the equation, and sometimes, in combination with other medicine, it can help people regain their balance. I also wanted to ask if you have tightness in your upper back?”

“Yeah, I think, from using the computer a lot, you know?”

“Yes, using computers definitely puts stress on our upper back, but I would say you are especially prone because those muscles also compensate when our core muscles are weak, so you should be aware of that. Something that’s really nice for upper back pain is one of these half-moon pillows, you just lie down on the flat floor with this under your neck for a while and your back will start to straighten itself out. I think you should get one for your home, it could help a lot.”

“Okay, yeah, that sounds good, I’ll ask my parents. They might even use it themselves.” 

“Great, okay well we can get started now, I’m going to leave the room for a moment, and you should undress except for your underwear, and use the towel if you want. I’ll be back in a minute.”

He left the room. I undressed and laid back cricklecrack flat…

 Door opened, he came back in, 

“Alright, are you comfortable? Not too cold?”

“Yea, I’m comfy.”  

“So we start off by taking your pulse on both sides, take a deep breath and relax.” 

He stopped talking as he put two fingers on my left wrist, slightly nodding his head as he was counting or calculating internally, then walked around to my right side and repeated the process.

“Is it okay if I touch your stomach?”

“Yep.”

Light spot touches, no stethoscope, 

“Alright, I can feel that your system is off balance, the right side is compensating for the left in some places. So I’m going to stay away from spots right on your stomach this time, as those are a little more advanced and I don’t want to shock your system. I want to get your body acclimated to the treatment first, and then we can try those next week. Let me know if any of them bother you. These needles are thin and solid and shouldn’t hurt.”

Light tapping on my outer calf.

“Is it in?”

“Yep, two are.”

“Wow, didn’t feel them at all.”

I looked up and saw two needles in symmetrical spots sticking out of my inner calf, just above my ankles. He continued with two more, placed a little further up on the outside of my shin, just below the knee. Easy, no skinpricks like a shot, no blood, relax. 

“Okay, this one you might feel more, let me know if it’s painful.

Shock next to my big toe, up through the foot, electric nerve ending, “Woah, yeah, I feel that one, it’s okay though.”

Immediate shock subsided to pulsing pressure, pleasant?

A few more taps… pin cushion.

“And I’m gonna do two into your hands as well, let me know if any of the needles are uncomfortable.” 

Between my thumb and index. 

“Okay, this might feel weird, but I’m going to put one between your eyebrows, where your third eye would be, if that’s okay?”

I nodded and closed my eyes. Light pressure on my forehead. Surprised I didn’t feel that more, right by the brain.

“And then one into the top of your scalp.” 

Easy again.

“Alright, that’s all of them.”

He turned on a heat lamp and moved it over the top of my midsection. 

“How’s the temperature? Are you comfortable?”

“Yep, feels great.”

“Okay, I’m going to turn down the lights and let you relax for a little bit, try not to move too much. I’ll be right outside at the desk, so just call me if you need anything, okay?”

“Great.”

He turned off the lights as he left the room, a little bit of indirect sun found its way between the tall buildings outside and slipped through the blinds. City soundscape, cars mostly, muffled by the window into white noise. I picked up my head and looked once more at the needles, don’t roll, lie still. I laid my head back down, can’t feel them, only an undercurrent emanating from their general areas. I stared up at the coffered ceiling and then closed my eyes as it checkered into a chessboard, place a pawn pattern and advance knights, next move… 

But I took a deep breath and the image swirled into itself evenly as I felt an undercurrent spread out over my whole body, different from restless legs, easy to be still, serenergy. Here until the hour is up, staring at the clock is the worst way to wait. Used to sit in church and think of Saturday’s soccer games, mass felt like forever. Tune into the silence to decrease sense of duration… see if I can think quiet… – – –

silver maple and willows sagging, leaning into ripples in reflection

step over one lying

current carrying driftwood – – – 

Footsteps, door opened, lights on. 

“How was that?”

“Nice, I zoned out for a bit.”

“That’s good,” he picked the needles out of my skin.

Subtle tingle subsides.

“Get up slowly, and when you’re finished dressing, I’ll see you in the lobby.”

I stayed still for a moment before slowly pushing myself up with my arms and swinging my feet around the side of the table. Feet on the floor, light legs, I floated out the door to the lobby. 

“So I want to send you home with these,” he handed me a white bottle with a black and red label, Colostroplex, “they’re meant to help ease your digestive tract, and give you an energy boost.”

Exchange check for receipt, not cheap. 

“Okay thank you. I’ll see you next week?”

“Yes, we’ll call to remind you about your follow-up appointment. Until then, try to focus on being kind to yourself.”

“Will do, thanks.”

We shook hands again, and I left his office. 

           Down in the elevator and out onto the cement streets aligned at sharp right angles corniced at the corners, stand straight to let the fast-paced phonetalker pass, and walk under the scaffolding for protection from the buildings that rise to heights from which an object dropped, density dependent, would gain enough inertia to end innervate activity. Prophet steps into the intersection holding a placardboard “In The Last Days, Terrible Times Will Come -Timothy 3:1” bicyclist swerves around him, VWEEEEEEEEP cab stops with a skid “HEY GO FUCK YOURSELF” pigeon fly and bus stops with a gasssssp at the corner to let out a crowd of passengers, red hand change to white pedestrian, over the gutter drain pool of rainboleaginous trash water to crosswalk between the painted lines on the blacktop, wait for a delivery motorbike to pass, and frogger safely to the opposite sidewalk. Protected again by the boundary row of parked cars from the traffic gassing the dirty boulevard, step down into the underground, southbound to Brooklyn.

– – –