Hospital called to say my bed is ready. Remicade ineffective, stuck in the house sleeping weeks away. IV steroids should be avoided but prednisone not enough anymore, Doctor Mayer saw my bloodwork and said I needed medical intervention. Backpack ready: Wallet with ID and insurance card, laptop, iPod, headphones, Neuromancer, pajamas, pillow, warm blanket. 

“I don’t know about bringing something as valuable as your laptop, things are known to get lost in the hospital sometimes,” said mom as we packed the car, “there are doctors and nurses and roommates and their relatives, and you might be sleeping…”

Hide under my bed. 

“What monster would steal from a sick patient?”

“Besides pharmaceutical and insurance companies?”

“Well, at least they don’t step foot in the hospital. I’ll be careful. I need it to stay connected.”

I checked in with my insurance card and they snapped a plastic bracelet with identification information and a scannable barcode around my left wrist. I also asked for the guest wifi password, which they wrote down and placed into a folder with patient information, and told me my room number. Elevator up to the GI floor eight, and down the hall around the nurses station to my room with a roommate who had the window-side bed, he greeted me, “Hey, how’s it going? I’m Frank. You’re pretty young to be in here, huh? You got a good doctor?” 

 I smiled, affirmative, “Yeah, he’s coming in tomorrow morning to see me,” and put my backpack down on the seat next to my bed.

“That’s good, that’s good, I’ve been in here for a few days now, they’ve been switching doctors on me every day who all say different things, can’t keep their story straight. Nurses get switched too, but that’s okay, the nurses are good, especially Sofia.” He winked at me and pointed to the dry-erase board with her name written on it, below her name was a sticker that asked, “How much pain are you in?” and showed a scale of 1-10 with increasingly aggrieved faces by each ascending number. I sat down on my bed and used the control bvvvvrrrrrrr to raise the top to make a backrest so I could sit.

RrriNNNG RrriNNNG RrriNNNG 

He picked up his bedside phone. 

 Hey Jessica, yeah, uhuh, yeah I heard. Listen, I told you to make sure that the car was checked into the shop and that the check was made out to Phil, it’s not hard, any idiot… 

Guess he doesn’t have a cell phone. Jessica is being patient with him, friend or family or else they would have hung up already. Nurse Sofia walked in the room, “Frank darling, I shouldn’t be able to hear you able to from the room two doors down, please use your inside voice.” 

“Okay, sorry, sorry, anything for you Sofia. Did ya hear that, the gorgeous nurse called me darling.” 

She then turned to me with a smile, introduced herself, and took my vitals.

“Are you in any pain right now?”

“No, I’m alright, only when I have to go to the bathroom.” 

“Okay, that’s to be expected. So the first thing we gotta do is get the IV going, that’s the hardest part of the whole thing you know? Once that’s done the rest is easy. You’ll want to take off your shirt and change into the gown first though,” she gave me a blue gown that opened at the back and a new pair of socks with rubber traction on both sides, “and I’ll be right back with supplies for the IV, okay?” she pulled a privacy curtain out between Frank’s bed and mine. I disrobed to boxers and put on the loose light blue gown, then tied the strings like a shoelace in the front. 

Sofia came back into the room and laid out the IV supplies on my bedside table and put plastic gloves on, “Okay sweetie, you ready?” I nodded, “yep.” Tourniquet pnch above my bicep, palpate tap my veins, alcohol swab in a widening circle below the inside of my elbow. IV catheter between her middle finger and thumb with guiding index, flattening my skin with her left hand, “Okay, you’re going to feel a tiny poke, 1, 2, 3…” below the skin and into my vein, a little blood into the catheter chamber, direct hit.

“Okay, got it good.” Needle and tourniquet removed, chill from the IV flushed with cool saline, tegaderm taped over the catheter, smoothed down, and taped again with the cord in a loop to prevent pulling. She attached the line to a full bladder of saline hanging above the IV machine. Tethered.  

“Alright, we’re gonna get you started with some saline, and I’ll be back soon with your other meds. Are you okay? Is there anything you need?”

“No, I’m good for now, thanks. Good job on the IV.”

“Thanks, I’ve had a lot of practice. I’ll be right back.”

Moments later, Mom arrived with my belongings and a plastic deli bag. 

“I went to the corner and got you some iced tea and crackers if you get hungry later.”

“Thanks.” 

“They’ve got you hooked in already, huh?”

“Yeah, the nurse is nice. I’ll take my pillow and blanket.” 

Make a nest, settle in…

RrriNNNG RrriNNNG yea, I understand that George doesn’t wanna do that, but that was the deal, so you can tell him to go FUCK himself if he thinks that he can… 

Mom looked at me disturbed with wide eyes, then rolled them. I whispered to her, “he’s been doing that since I got here.” Don’t want to confront him, going to have enough trouble sleeping as it is. 

How bout this? Shut the FUCK up. If you think that you guys are gonna run around and drive MY car and crash it like a bunch of LOUSY ALCOHOLICS, and that I’m not gonna do shit when I get outta here, you got another thing coming… 

Sofia came back in with two more bags of medication and placed them on the overhead hangers above the IV machine. 

“Is this mom? Hi mom, glad you’re here, how are we doing?”

You should be happy that I’m in here, cause when I get out, oh boy…

“Hi nice to meet you, we’re okay…” she smiled and nodded in Frank’s direction.

“Yeah, we know, we’ll try to take care of that for you, we’ll move when another bed opens up, and in the meantime, we’ll try to keep things under control,” she raised her voice, “Frank…” he finished his rant at a slightly lower decibel until his adrenaline raised FUCK OFF and slammed the phone down.  

She turned back to me, “So we’re gonna start you on an antibiotic first, and then we’ll give you your first round of hydrocortisone, sound good?”

“Yep,”

“Alright,” she hooked the pouch of liquid antibiotics up to my IV.

“Okay, that’ll take a couple hours to finish. The call button is on your bed remote, so if you need anything, just press that button and I’ll be in shortly, okay?” she said as she swiftly left the room, someone else must’ve called.

“Are ya comfy?” asked mom.

“Yeah, never had a bed with a remote control before.” 

“Doctor Mayer is supposed to come in tomorrow morning?”

“Yep, he was vague about how long I’ll be in here, so I’ll ask him.”

“Did he say what the plan is when you talked to him on the phone?”

“He said the inflammation indices are all raised, so we’re doing a round of IV steroids to get my system working again, and then I’ll go home, and we’ll decide on the next course of medication to see if it can keep me there.”

“Did he say what other medications there are to try?” 

“Yeah, I wrote them down in my notes on my cell phone… cyclosporine, and then he said there are some promising clinical trials that I could try, abatacept, and another one that’s an IL-17 inhibitor.”

“But you’re not going to decide that tomorrow right?”

 “No, not until the follow-up appointment at his office after I get out of here.” 

 “Would you want to do a clinical trial?”

 “I don’t know, maybe, hopefully scientific progress will find a solution for me.”

“Well, we can do some research, I’ll ask uncle Joe what he thinks. And then your dad said he’ll come in after lunch tomorrow, right? I’m gonna try to come stop by on my way home from school, but it depends what time I get out.”

“Okay, thanks.” 

“So does the TV work?” Hanging from the ceiling in front of my bed. 

“Let’s see,” I clicked the TV power button on the bed remote, text box in front of static: CONTACT PROVIDER FOR SERVICE.

“Hmm okay, I’ll find out about that.” 

“That’s okay, I’ve got movies downloaded on my computer, so I’ll be fine.”

“Are there any sports games you want to watch?”

“Not tonight, maybe I’ll order the service tomorrow.” Seems like extortion putting cable TV in front of patients and then charging them to use it.

Listen, I’m being the reasonable one here, you and Jessica are acting like bratty little teenagers who just got their fucking driver’s permit…

ggggRrrrrggggg

“I’ve gotta use the restroom,”

“Okay, how do we do this? You’re plugged into the wall…”

“It’s got battery life, can you disconnect it for me?”

 Mom took the power cord out of the outlet, threw it around one of the hangers on the top of the machine, and helped me wheel it over to the bathroom. Door closes both ways push or pull, turn on the fan for some extra white noise, sterilized beige counter below a large mirror, I pulled the machine over to the toilet and sat down.

Rrrrggggglllrrrrrrrrrrgggglllggggrrrgnnngngggg… fsshhhhh

Wash hands well, have to be careful in here, pathogens lurking.

beeeeep, beeeeep, beeeeep… why? I walked back out.

beeeeep, beeeeep, beeeeep…

“Why is the IV machine beeping? Cause it’s disconnected?” asked Mom.

“I’m not sure, I don’t think so.”

I plugged the machine back in and sat back down on the bed.

beeeeep, beeeeep, beeeeep…

Mom walked out to the nurse’s station and brought Sofia back with her. She looked at the machine and pressed a button to make the beeping stop.

“Oh it’s okay, there’s nothing wrong, it’s just an occlusion, meaning the IV flow stopped momentarily, but it’s good now. It might be because I put the IV too close to your elbow, if you bend it…”

Angled elbow, like when I washed my hands… beeeeep, beeeeep, beeeeep…

“Yeah, sorry about that, if you keep your elbow straight it won’t happen, but if it does, just hit this silence button on the machine. But if it actually stops flowing, call me, okay?”

“Okay, thanks.”

She walked back out. 

“How were your kids today?” I asked mom.

“They were crazy in the afternoon because it was Julian’s birthday and his mom came in with cupcakes for everyone, so they were bouncing off the wall with all the sugar… oh, you remember I was telling you about Carla, the little girl in my class with cerebral palsy?”

“Yeah, you told me she has trouble communicating but you can tell she has a good sense of humor anyways.”

“Yes, she gets my jokes at circle time and laughs at the other kids when they’re being ridiculous like today, and her communication skills are going to get a lot better because they brought this new eye-gaze technology into the school. It’s a big piece of equipment, you have to roll it on wheels into the different classrooms, but basically, it’s a talker that you’ve seen my other kids with, you know, they press the picture, and the machine says the word for them?”

“Yeah, I remember those.” 

“Well it’s like that, but because she has severe cerebral palsy, she can’t press the buttons on the computer, but with this new eye-gaze technology, she can operate it with her eyes. The mouse on the screen follows around her eyesight.”

“Woah, that’s amazing. How does it do that?”

“It has two infrared lights that shine onto her eyes, and a camera that follows where she’s looking.”

“And there’s a bunch of words on the monitor?”

“Yep, it’s divided into grids with pictures and letters so she could find the words in different ways.”

“And then how does she click?”

“She just holds her gaze for long enough on the one image, and a little circle starts until it completes itself.” 

“And she learned how to use it pretty quickly?”

“Oh yeah, it just took a couple minutes, and then she made it say “Hello, I’m talking to you.” and her face lit up with such a big grin.”

“Wow, that must have been so cool to see.”

“It was really something else.”

Sofia walked back into the room and looked at my IV machine.  

“Alright, looks like we’re ready to start the SoluCortef, sound good?”

“Yep, sounds good.”

“That’s the steroid?” asked mom.

“Yep. Should get him feeling better quickly.”

New drug bag attached overhead. Better right now, don’t think about long term…

“Okay, so I’m getting ready to go home, your nurse for the night shift will be in soon, so if you have any problems press the call button and they’ll come. I’ll be back tomorrow morning, okay?”

“Okay, thank you so much, get some good sleep.”

“Okay, you do the same, best thing you can do to feel better. And don’t worry mom, we’ll take good care of him. Visiting hours are almost over, but take your time leaving.” 

“Yeah, they told me. I’ll head out soon.”

She went over to the other side of the curtain, “Frank darling, I’m about to head out, do you need anything?” 

“Mmmph… no, I’m okay, thanks doll.” Sounds sleepy. 

“Okay, be good, remember no phone during quiet hours. Don’t make them take your phone away like last night. Have a goodnight.” she waved and walked out.  

“So you think you’ll be okay in here?” asked mom.

“Yeah, I have movies and a book, and I’m tired, just gonna fall asleep.”

“What movies? On your laptop?”

“Yeah, science fiction double feature.”

“Oh, like what?” 

“I’ve got Star Wars, Blade Runner, Brazil, and a bunch of others downloaded.”

“Oh, I’ve seen those, those are old.”

“Yeah, comfort food, I like how the details and backgrounds are hazier than new ones, it makes them more immersive, like a dream.”

She put her jacket on, “Okay, glad you can entertain yourself. Well, I’ll be back tomorrow evening, and your father will be here after lunch, okay?”

I nodded, “Thanks mom, love you.”

“Love you too honey, try to get some sleep.”

She left and I’m alone with steroids coursing through my veins, distraction, open laptop, get on the hospital wifi, slow speeds, good thing I already downloaded the movies, stream buffering, but can play simple flash games, send messages to friends, and keep up with news. The night nurse came in, introduced himself, erased Sofia and wrote Joseph on the board. He walked over to my IV machine and held up the hanging bag, looking at the progress of the medication drip. 

“Hey what’s up man, I’m Joseph, I’ll be your guy tonight.”

“Great, nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too. Looks like you’ve still got a while with these,” he said, jiggling the IV bags, “is there anything you need?”

“Not at the moment.”

“You know about the fast-forward button?”

“The what?”

 “Yeah, below the nurse call button on the TV remote. Press the right arrow button and time goes by quicker if you need it to.”

“Haha, okay.”

“Alright, and if you need anything hit the big red call button and I’ll be right in. Otherwise, I’ll come back and check on you in a bit, ok?” 

“Thanks.”

He walked around the curtain to Frank and said, “Frank what’s up my man?” then whispered “Oh, he’s asleep,” and mouthed “thank god” to me as he left the room, turned off the light, and closed the door. Flourescent hmmmmm ivvvvvvv beebeep zzzzzzzz beebeep… Movie time? Easier to get sleepy with a book. Open Neuromancer: “The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel.” 

mmmmvvvzzzzzzzzz…

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