Foodless through the dregs of day, hunger felt then forgotten, nevermind the morning thirst, water wet the palate but do not sup a drop of tea. Still dark rise and float into the car… with mom, drives up Clinton to the heights ramp up the bridge over cross the river still dark with heavy fog shroud around the hushed harbor, strained nerves restless unslept because anxious about the impact on many years ahead, one last surgery if all goes well, beginning of the end. Up to Harlem, exit off the FDR and enter the congested city center many storied apartment buildings still sleeping, surgeon hopefully having coffee somewhere, mom lets me out at the glass entrance on Madison, so many tired faces security guard disinterested, patient intake insurance, name and information, identification snap banded around my wrist, trickle in the bathroom, back in bed visited by nurses hooked to the IV and slowly the thirst fades, swallow saliva, not as nervous this time since I made it through the first, but still anxious for it to be all over. Surgeon’s assuring smile, looks awake, knowing wink of the anesthesiologist as he administers relief, all easy with a hint of euphoria, state of trust enough to again put my fate in the hands of someone else, scrubs and masked faces with the white light and silver metal, breathe deep huuuhhhuhhh…

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