Above the treeline stretching bounds beyond horizon that falls from sight under lightfoot floating with a vague sense of not knowing where I am going while floating atop landscape of rolling mountains as far as eye can see, down in ravine between steep gray ridges runs the river, hearfeel rockrrrrumble, boulderrrggg, rolling down to the water, falling… – – –

gggrrrggg…

stretching kicks in clean soft linen, home bathroom fifteen paces away from bedside, rrrrgggggrrrr, THBBPTHBPT! ffffsshhh,

lie back down, close eyes, try to get back there…

– – –

sylvan scene of rolling hills full greeeeeeeen…

– – –

Rahhhahhhhyeeeeeeee Rahhummmm weeeeeeee!

high-pitched yawps from recess across the street

muffle pillow over ear, hide under from the sun

– – –

warm…

maybe time to…

yaaaahhhhhhhnnnhh huuhhhhuhhh… 

so I awoke

sit up, squint in the light

had to come home when I couldn’t make it from my dorm room to the toilet in time

wonder what Paul’s doing right now, art history after lunch I think, lively quad on a nice day

experiences lost to this alternative universe of purgatory 

to the kitchen, boil water

buttered white bread

quiet house, parents at work, sister away at school

ssshhhssswwwwwiiiiiii 

turn off the stove, steep lemon tea, doctor Mayer said caffeine can irritate 

grrrggg

the bread? learn to listen

inhale steam on face, slow sips of zest from hot citrus lift the fog

No more pressure, grades suffered, communications prof said she needed to see a doctor’s note after I walked out to the bathroom twice in one period, thought I was disrespecting her in front of the other students when I was showing up despite difficulty. 

grrrggl

Humira stopped working probably because I delayed doses by accident. Had a doctor’s note sent to the Dean of Students who forwarded it to my professors and let me withdraw with fees waived for the semester since I was only there for a couple weeks, and told me not to worry about my financial aid being revoked because of medical withdrawal.

hhhwiiiiissss, hhhwiiiiissss, hhhwiiiiissss! End of recess.

Betty the Dean’s assistant was so accommodating, said she had IBD in her family, just call her when I find the solution and am ready to come back. Parents said we’ll try to find other treatment options, multidisciplinary approach. Dad took me to a chiropractor who used applied kinesiology to choose a remedy. He placed blue vials with minerals in my hand and then told me to hold my hand steady as he pushed.  On the third attempt I braced and resisted with phosphorus 12c in my hand, so he gave me it to take orally, not sure if I will, have enough pills, the massage and back crack felt nice though. The next things we’re going to try are a nutritionist and an acupuncturist. 

wuoeeEEEEEEEEEEeeeooooooooooooooohhh… siren down the street and out of earshot.

Times on the table: Obama above the fold, promising change, my first chance to vote. Below the fold banks failing, filing bankruptcy, chaos on Wall Street just across the East River, but peace in the house, soft light through living room windows, newspaper next to breadcrumbs on a saucer, dregs in porcelain teacup, moments that make up a dull day. Need something to stimulate.

Open laptop, new window, a game of chess, searching the globe for an opponent, matched with a Russian, see if I can throw him off by opening c4…With c pawn advanced my queen is dynamic, threaten aggression with Qa4+ if they make a mistake, but if they play by the book then open with patience, carefully develop minor pieces to control the middle sixteen, set up pawn advance to a square where you have more attacking pieces to break the tension advantageously, give yourself the best possible midgame when so many variations present themselves that it’s impossible to know what the correct choice is, can only calculate so far, have to choose your next move based on positional experience and instinct until you have traded down to a few pieces and you can calculate again. Simple, complex, and then simple again, if you make it to the end game.

– – –